Vampires, and Werewolves, and Mummies, Oh My!

Vampires, and Werewolves, and Mummies, Oh My!

Last night my street was teeming with monsters and demons of the night.  Witches were sighted with steaming and fowl smelling caldrons, vampires lurked in the shadows, and the howls of werewolves broke the night’s soothing silence.  True, these monsters were only children out for some candy, but it stuck me that we need to be ready when one of these real monsters arrives, as they undoubtedly (or possibly, or maybe) will.  So, myself, my husband, and Ginny, our crime fighting dog, caucused to determine the most dangerous monster.  We intend to be ready.

But ready for which monster?  We eventually need to be ready for all of these monsters, but believe we must be ready for the most dangerous first.  We need to determine the set of monsters that can attack human and analyze the strengths and weaknesses of each.  There have been so many documentaries that some become questionable.  Some are contradictory.  Some appear to be from questionable sources.  I will use my own judgment to sort fact from fiction.

I believe the primary candidates are vampires, werewolves, and mummies. There are many others of course, but the limited documentation makes me suspect that they may not be real, but fictional.

Vampires Strengths and Weaknesses: Vampires are incredibility strong, can fly, can change shape and form, and are very difficult to kill.  They can form a team, as shown below from the documentary “Lost Boys”.  The vampires from “30 Days of Night” provide another example of vampires’ ability to band together to reach a common goal.  Vampires are difficult to recognize as long as they use proper dental hygiene, keep their fast growing nails short, and have a reasonable explanation why they only show up at night.

  But vampires must eat and cannot appear in the daytime.  They are dependant on either help to guard their caskets or very secret locations to protect them as they sleep.  They also seem to expose themselves because of their attraction to beautiful women and draw attention themselves as they behave like grammar schoolboys with their first crush.  They must also keep their numbers limited because they easily begin to outnumber the food source which seems to be us.

Werewolves Strengths and Weaknesses: The werewolf is like your family dog on steroids with a control issue.  Standing over seven feet tall, strong, an insatiable hunger for human flesh, fast, and has an attitude the Dog Whisperer couldn’t handle.  In France, the creature was described as a giant wolf that killed upwards of 80 men, women, and children in the 1700s.

However, if you pool the family jewelry, the beast is easily brought down with silver bullets. They seem to end their nocturnal activities lying on the ground, naked and shivering.  I don’t have data to prove it, but I’m thinking that a bunch of these guys must die of colds and flues.

Mummies Strengths and Weaknesses: Mummies are just dead guys that slowly walk around wrapped in gauze.  Their lack of speed requires them to be ambush hunters for old, slow doctors.   They looked like you could run in with a match and set them on fire and then rush out before they could react.  The 1999 evidence shows mummies with substantially more strengths and weaknesses.  They can rather easily overcome large population but can be destroyed with a few magic works.

Conclusion: The vampires are the “baddest” of the “baddest”.  We will need substantial effort to prepare for vampires.  We can relocate to lands that are surrounded by water.  We can sharpen our wooden spikes, lie in some garlic, and obtain as many crosses as possible that can be used as weapons.  You be ready too.

Criteria: World Domination

Vampires don’t really want world domination.  They think of us as blood bags (except for their romantic tendencies.)  Werewolves are primarily in hunt mode while in the creature form.  When in the human mode, they feel guilty about their primitive activity.  Only the mummy might want a world of slaves.

Criteria: Scariest – When you meet the monster face to face, which scares you the most

The mummy, post 1999 form, looks like a handsome guy so I don’t fear his appearance.  Vampires generally look human, but that actually is a scary.  Everyone you know could be a bloodsucker and you wouldn’t know until it’s too late.  The werewolf clearly has the most frightening appearance.  Combined with intent to eat you right now, he is the scariest.

Criteria: Bloodiest – When the police show up at the crime scene, which monster leaves the bloodiest kill zone?

The vampire leaves a fairly pristine victims with just two fang marks one the neck.  The torn and shredded body of the werewolf’s victim is seldom attractive.  Mummies now leave a shrunken body that looks like, well, a mummy.

Criteria: Can we prepare for them?

It takes little time to prepare for werewolves. Just start making those silver bullets.  It takes almost nothing to prepare for a mummy.  Just keep control of the “Book of the Dead” and send him right back when he shows up.  Preparing for vampires is hardest as there is an identification before you can actually kill these guys.

Chapter 15 - Process Writing

Process writing addresses every day questions in one of three approaches: describing a process, explaining a process, or writing instructions. The describing a process examples provided in this chapter are "Wayward Cells" and "Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow". "Campus Racism 101" is provided as an example of explaining a process. "Downloading Photographs from the MC-150 Digital Camera" is an example of writing instructions.

"Wayward Cells" describes the process of how cancer is introduced into the body, how it becomes an"undifferentiating" cell, how cancer cell's growth is uncontrolled, and how the cancel cells hurt the body. The essay then switches to current scientific research that may lead to cancer cures. The "Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow" essay describes how hair grows (or not) occurs, and how it may lead to "boldness."

The instructions example gives step by step instructions to download photographs from a MC-150 digital camera. The instructions example provides a general structure strategy, step by step instructions, and a closing note. Use of graphics, bold facing of key words, inclusion of reference material for showing relative size all help to creating effective instructions.

"Campus Racism" is provided as an example of process essays.

Chapter 15 - Map for Writing a Classification

Chapter 14 - Classification

Chapter 14 - Classification Summary:

Classification essays provide an organizational approach for decomposition of complex issues, concepts, and objects into smaller, less complex sets of things. A key element of this approach is to develop criteria that addresses the intent of the writer.  The first example provided is "Three Family Cancers", in which the author attempts to find explanations and understanding of deaths within her family. The second example is "Four Ways to Talk About Literature." The author decomposes literature into text-centered, audience-centered, and author-centered approaches.  A four approach applies ideas outside of the literature to literary works. The essay notes the diversity and commonality of the approaches. This allows the hybrid approaches commonly found in many literature criticisms.

The final example is my personal favorite since it is so humorous. The author wants to address the burning dog food issues such as: "Is a Gaines-burger really like a hamburger?" and "Does Gravy Train actually make gravy in the dog's bowl, or is that brown liquid just dissolved crumbs?".  The author eats dog food for almost a week to answer these questions, classifying dog foods into dry, gravies, and cans (and many more.)  For each dog food classification, she provides the pro and cons for each dining experience.  The author also addresses some additional issues using a Q&A technique.

The chapter concludes with guidelines for writing a classification essay.

Chapter 14 map

Chapter 13: Writing Comparison and Contrast Essays (Map)

Chapter 13 Question

1.      Question 1: The purpose for comparing and contrasting two things is to make a point. What two specific things is Twain comparing and contrasting, and what is the point he is making?  How do you know?

Mark Twain is comparing and contrasting the view one has of something versus the view one has after gaining a more detailed knowledge of that thing.  His point is that something is lost and something gained after viewing or experiencing a thing from a different context.  The essay poses the question; is the loss greater than gain?  I know this because the last sentence of the essay, which plainly questions: “And doesn’t he sometimes wonder whether he has gained most or lost most by learning his trade.”

Chapter 13 – Review of “Two Views of the River”

Mark Twain’s essay discusses how his view of the river changed as he learned his craft of a riverboat captain.  Before he coolly analyzed characteristics of the river as keys to navigation, he saw the river of a place of mystery, beauty, and grace. A log branch highlighted by the setting sun no longer is glowing like a flame, but rather a riverboat captain’s analysis of wind to follow the next way as well as indicating the river was rising.

 Mark Twain recognizes this phenomena and extends it to another discipline, that of a doctor.  Prior to his education, it is likely he could appreciate a woman’s beauty, but with knowledge this could be changed to a medical diagnosis.